


Poignant Reminiscence

by forevertaeyongs (Forevertaeyongs)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Age Swap, Alternate Universe - Professors, Angst, Car Accidents, Domestic Fluff, Drinking to Cope, Eventual Smut, Fluff, I don't know what I'm doing, Jungwoo is a ball of sunshine, M/M, Memory Loss, Sexual Tension, Supernatural Elements, fiance, ghost - Freeform, small instances of fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2019-10-17 20:22:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17567342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forevertaeyongs/pseuds/forevertaeyongs
Summary: All Sicheng wishes is to silently watch over Taeyong and for him to be happy. But why is it not easy?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello hello~ I can't believe I'm posting another fic like really Riri whaaaat? This fic is gonna be super angsty so if you're not into that stuff I suggest you drop it. But if you're reading it I do hope you guys like it. Its the first time I'm writing a long fic so if the flow if the story feels abrupt I'm sorry. I hope I have expressed the feelings properly in words. Thank you for choosing to read my potato fic. Enjoy~
> 
> PS: Thank you Ice for the title❤ Yeah I suck at those *laughs awkwardly*

“Wake up” Sicheng whispers into Taeyong’s ears, who stirs a little but doesn’t move otherwise. He pouts, moves to the other side and whispers again. This time, Taeyong groans and turns to the other side of the bed, snuggling further into the blanket. 

“You don’t want to be late now” Sicheng continues which earns him another groan before the other sits up in his bed, rubbing the sleep away from his eyes. Taeyong lets the blanket fall from his shoulder to his lap and grabs his phone from his bedside table and checks the time. He had indeed woken up five minutes before the alarm again. He debates about going back to sleep but decides against it. He gets out of the blanket, reluctant to leave his cozy nest. 

“Hurry up, you’re going to be late” Sicheng leads him to the bathroom and urges the other to step in the shower. Taeyong goes in and closes the door behind him. Once Taeyong has stripped and is in the shower, Sicheng returns to the bedroom and proceeds to the kitchen. He sits at the dining table and waits for the other to join him for breakfast. 

Taeyong takes his time showering, going over his schedule for the day and humming a soft tune. He gets out of the shower eventually, dries himself off and dresses up. He goes to the kitchen and starts preparing a simple breakfast of eggs, bacon and toast. It wasn’t that he couldn’t make a fancier breakfast. It was just that after years of living with Sicheng he had gotten used to the quick and easy way of eating. 

He grabs some orange juice and makes his way over to the dining table, shuffling the plates and juice carefully. He sits down and eats silently as he goes over his phone, replying to a few emails and then looking through the latest news. Sicheng silently sits across Taeyong, watching him with a smile and admiring his features – the way his face would scrunch up when he reads a particularly bad news or the way his eyes would turn into half crescents with crinkles on the side and a small, deep laugh would escape his mouth when he would read something particularly funny. He loves Taeyong’s voice, and even now, after so many years, it still sent shivers through his body. 

Sicheng gets excited and accidentally kicks the table which jerks up a bit, causing the juice to swirl around in the glass. Taeyong’s head immediately snaps up and he stares across the table, and Sicheng puts his head down apologetically. Taeyong stares for a good few seconds before resuming browsing on his phone. Sicheng finally looks up and sighs. He gets up and goes to sit on the couch in the living room. 

Taeyong finishes his breakfast in fifteen minutes and places the dishes in the sink. He figures he could do the dishes after work tonight. He goes back into his room, puts his tie on, grabs his bag and makes his way to the front door. He gets his shoe and ties his shoelaces. 

Sicheng rushes to the front to greet Taeyong. He finds him bent and when he finally gets up, Sicheng chuckles when he sees Taeyong’s tie crooked. “Your tie is off to one side, silly” he giggles as he points it out to the elder. Taeyong sees his reflection in the mirror above the shoe rack and sighs. He fixes his tie quickly and grabs his keys from the bowl. “Have a nice day, love” Sicheng says as Taeyong steps out of the house into the cold October air. He stands at the doorway and watches the other till the door shuts completely. He looks back to the empty house and sighs. This was going to be another long day. 

The rest of the morning is spent wandering around the house. He looks at the blankets scattered around of the bed and frowns. Taeyong was rarely a messy person. And seeing that he forgot to make his bed that morning means he had something on his mind. He did not seem to be brooding though, so Sicheng brushes it off, thinking it might be the stress from having to work long hours. It was the middle of the semester and being the head professor meant long hours spent in his office, in front of his screen or buried in books and paper. It also meant that much time spent away from home and Sicheng would be lying if he said he didn’t feel lonely. 

But he understood. 

So, he doesn’t mind lying on the porch of their backyard and waiting – for hours – for Taeyong to come back. He closes his eyes reminiscing about the time they spent together. About how they met, how they fell in love, and how after years of dating, Taeyong had finally asked to marry him. It had been the happiest day of his life, of their lives and he wouldn’t want it any other way. 

He gets lost in the memories for hours and only realizes it when he hears the front door opening. He rushes through the house, almost running to greet Taeyong. He was back earlier than usual and it made Sicheng happy but also worried. Why would he come back so soon? Is work stressful? Is he ok? Is he sick? The weather was getting colder. What if he had caught a cold? 

The thoughts keep swirling in his head until he finally reaches the living room and sees Taeyong sitting on the couch facing the ceiling. Sicheng silently slides beside him and curls up against his arm. He feels Taeyong stiffen but eventually relaxes. Taeyong closes his eyes and sighs. 

Sicheng frowns and reaches out to smoothen the creases. He hates watching Taeyong so stressed. He wishes he could help share his burden, take away his worries but he knows he couldn’t help. He knows Taeyong wouldn’t talk about it nor could he coax it out of him. So, he watches helplessly as the younger just sits there with his eyes closed and brows furrowed with occasional sighs in between. Sicheng fills the silence with his talks. He talks about the weather, the leaves changing colors and falling down. He hints that they might have to clean their backyard soon. He tells him about the neighbor’s dog that had accidentally wandered into their backyard through the tiny gap in the fence and the daughter had to bribe him with treats to get her to come back. He describes the pair of love birds he saw perched upon one of the branches of the tree in their backyard, nuzzling into each other and keeping themselves warm. About how it reminded him of Taeyong and missed him. 

Taeyong stays silent throughout and Sicheng wonders if he had fallen asleep. He moves in closer and is startled when a single teardrop escapes Taeyong’s eye, tracing his cheeks on the way down to his chin and eventually disappearing into his lack sweater. He opens his eyes and they are filled with such confusion and pain that Sicheng’s own pricks with unshed tears. Before Sicheng can even think of doing anything, Taeyong gets up and walks towards their bedroom. Taeyong showers and changes into a black shirt and boxers while Sicheng lies down on the bed and waits. Taeyong finally gets under the blanket and switches off the lights. 

Sicheng watches Taeyong, bathed in the moonlight filtering in from the windows. He looks absolutely mesmerizing and Sicheng can’t help but fall in love all over again. He loves Taeyong so much. He wishes for him to be happy forever. He wants to protect his heart from all the hurt. To surround him with so much love that it would shield him from all things bad and evil. But he knows all he can do is support him silently and watch over him as he sleeps. 

So, that is what he does. 

~*~ 

When the last of the leaves fall from the trees, autumn dances away, beckoning winter to cover the bare prickly branches with snow and take her place. The changing weather also brings about other changes. The thinner coats are replaced by thicker, warmer ones, combined with scarves, caps and gloves. Sicheng, too, finds himself staying indoors snuggled in the blankets and rarely stepping out. 

Taeyong, however, remains the same, if only getting worse. He rarely comes home early anymore, only returning to sleep and get his things for the next day. As the days pass, Sicheng realizes how distant the younger has become. Sicheng misses him. He misses talking to him. But he misses his heart shaped smile even more. He doesn’t recall having seen it in the past month. He misses his laughter too, his deep voice resonating in the house. 

Sicheng wishes he could help him, wishes he could reach out, take away all his troubles and soothe his heart. He hates watching him hurt. He hates feeling so helpless. But most of all he hates watching the love of his life wilting away. 

He realizes, then, just how unreachable his fiancé has become. 

He is startled when he hears someone trying to pry the front door open. He looks at the clock on the wall, which reads 9pm. He gasps, surprised that time passed so quickly. He walks towards the front door, hearing the jingling of the keys, followed by sounds of inserting it into the keyhole and clicking. He hears Taeyong’s frustrated grunts as he realizes it was the wrong key, before repeating the same action. 

By the time Sicheng reaches the front door, Taeyong has already found the right key and opens the door. He staggers into the house with glassy eyes and Sicheng realizes the younger is drunk. He misses his footing and trips. Sicheng rushes ahead to catch him, but it is completely useless. 

Taeyong falls right through him.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kim Jungwoo - a peculiar man

Taeyong was not a morning person. And mornings in the winters were particularly bad. It was cold and all Taeyong wanted to do was to stay buried in his warm blanket the entire day, napping the day away. But he knows he has to wake up soon. He has his job and obligations. 

A whisper of a cold breeze washes over the nape of his neck and he shivers, further burrowing into his blankets. He hopes to doze off for a few more minutes, but sleep had abandoned him, leaving him wide awake. He sighs as he gets up and makes his way to the shower. He might as well get started early. 

He goes through his morning routine – showering, having breakfast and skimming through articles online. He checks his schedule and notes that he has to visit the hospital today. The doctor had also asked to meet with him, and Taeyong knows it cannot be good news. His mind cannot stop conjuring the possibilities, all of which do not end well. So, he shuts those thoughts out and focuses on checking the weather for today. 

He leaves the house a little earlier than usual, taking the longer route to the college. Taeyong was a professor teaching theatre. And though his job may not sound very demanding, it was actually quite tiring. Let’s just say dealing with kids, barely around twenty was not something he was great at. And not to mention his infamous nickname – demon professor – didn’t help. It made him extremely uncomfortable but compared to his other problems, he couldn’t care less about this. 

His classes for the day go smoothly. And apart from the news of a new dance professor joining the faculty, which piques everyone’s interest and brings about a whole lot of excitement, everything is peaceful. He spends the time after his classes in his room, looking up a few things on the internet and drawing out some assignments for the students. As soon as his day is over, he rushes out of the college and drives to the hospital. 

Taeyong can never shake off the uneasy feeling whenever he visits Sicheng. Watching him lie on the bed lifeless is so eerie. But he is even more uncomfortable as Sicheng is a stranger to him. A few weeks after the dreadful accident, Taeyong had lost all his memories regarding Sicheng. The doctors had explained that it was his mind’s way of coping up. The memories may or may not return though. And Taeyong feels extremely guilty, when he sees his said fiancé, lying in a coma, not knowing when he would wake up. If he would wake up. 

From what Taeyong had heard, it was a horrible accident. They both had almost died – though he thinks Sicheng is not any better right now. He feels the guilt growing stronger and apologizes to Sicheng “I am sorry” before he finds himself tearing up. He always ends up crying and it confuses him because even though he feels extremely sad, he doesn’t know why. 

He takes it as his cue to leave and makes his way to the doctor. Doctor Lee has been on Sicheng’s case ever since the accident and has provided nothing but the best care for him. The doctor briefs him about Sicheng’s condition as usual and explains the ongoing treatment. This time after he is done though, he does not say anything. He lets silence hang in the air, looking a bit troubled. 

You know, its going to be almost 5 years since the accident” he starts off slowly. Taeyong nods his head encouraging the doctor. “Sicheng has been very stable. But he isn’t showing any signs of improvement.” Taeyong sucks in a breath thinking he knows where this is going. “I think you should make a choice, Taeyong” 

“If it’s about the hospital fees, I can pay so it’s ok. Or if it is inconveniencing you, I can move him to another hospi-” 

“That is not that problem, Taeyong. The chances of him waking up after so many years are next to none. We do not recommend keeping him like that after the 5 year mark. It is not only about the resources but also him. There is no coming back for him.” 

“But there have been cases where the patient has woken up 10 years later” 

“The accident damaged his brain. You very well know his condition has deteriorated before he finally stabilized into a coma. He hasn’t shown any improvement ever since. And we doubt he ever would.” 

“Bu-but surely he has a chance, right? I-if there is e-even a bit of ch-chance I will take it. He may wake up!” Taeyong is almost hysterical by the time he finishes speaking. 

“I am afraid not, Taeyong.” The doctor looks at him apologetically. “You don’t have to make the decision right now. You can take your time to think over it.” 

Taeyong leaves the hospital with a horrible feeling, a mixture of misery with guilt and loss. He does not know what he is supposed to do. Sure, he has a few months to make his choice. But how can he, who does not even remember Sicheng, make a decision regarding his life? He feels tormented the more he thinks about it. He wants to stop thinking about it. 

Without a second thought, he drives to the bar, hoping alcohol would help to numb his brain. 

~*~ 

Taeyong wakes up the next morning feeling the worst ever. He sits up and is confused about his whereabouts for a moment, before he recalls the events from the previous day. Not only did he drink way beyond his capacity, he had also fallen asleep in the foyer. His whole body ached. His neck and back cracked painfully. His arm hurt from sleeping on it the wrong way and it hurt to even sit up. His head was pounding with every movement. 

For a while, he just sits in place, closing his eyes and focusing on breathing. He finally gets up after a few minutes and walks over to the kitchen to get some water. He passes by the mirror on his way and is shocked when he looks at his reflection. His hair is disheveled and he has huge bags under his eyes. There is a frown etched onto his face and his skin is dry and pale. He looks like the very definition of a zombie. 

Sighing, he continues to the kitchen and drinks some water before filling up a bottle to take to his bedroom. He thanks his stars that it is a weekend and he can catch some decent sleep. He buries himself under the blankets and has almost fallen asleep, when the doorbell rings. He contemplates getting up to open the door, thinking against it when the doorbell rings again. He frowns as he reluctantly gets up and opens the door. 

As soon as he does, he is hit by blinding light, which pricks his eyes painfully. He almost covers them with his hand but suddenly, the source of his discomfort is cut off, replaced by a tall male with platinum blonde hair. He smiles brightly, holding up a box in his hands extended forward, and moving around slightly in his place. He looked every bit like those door-to-door salesmen or worse yet, a member of some cult. 

“Hello. I’m Kim Jungwoo. I-” 

“Look I don’t care who you are or which organization you belong to. I am not interested. Have a nice day” Taeyong glares and moves to close the door. He is unsuccessful though, when the other puts his feet in between. Taeyong opens the door, scowling and ready to tell this rude person off. 

But the stranger beats him and says, “I am not a salesman.” He chuckles. “I just moved in next door and I thought I’d greet the neighbor. I can come back again if its not a good time?” 

“No, now is alright. But like I said before, I am not interested. Have a-” 

“At least accept this then” the blond shoves the box he is holding into Taeyong’s hands. “Have a nice day” he smiles and greets the shorter, before walking away towards his house next door. Taeyong stares at his retreating back, a little dumfounded, and then quickly gathers his thoughts and closes the door. 

Kim Jungwoo was a peculiar man.


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pouts are hard to refuse

Taeyong drives to work next morning as usual. The rest of the last bit of the weekend was spent sleeping and resting. He had mulled over the previous night’s incidents a bit, before pushing the thoughts and locking them away for another time. He felt better Monday crawled in, having woken up with a clear head. 

His thoughts drifts back to new neighbor – Jungsu? Junwoo? he doesn’t remember clearly – when he drives past his house. The man looked no more than twenty five, younger than himself for sure. He seemed a little fidgety and shy, Taeyong assumed, but confident when he had spoken and shoved the box at Taeyong. How someone could be all of that at the same time Taeyong was not sure. 

Taeyong also felt bad for the way he behaved. Sure, he was hungover, but that wasn’t a reason for him to be rude towards him. He was even thoughtful enough to bring Taeyong a gift. He realizes the box is still lying on the coffee table, untouched as it had been since being placed there. Taeyong hopes there wasn’t anything perishable in there. 

The more he thought about it, the worse he felt. His neighbor had been nothing but nice and polite. He was a nice man. And beautiful too. His smile had been so bright, as if he embodied the sun itself. Maybe that was also why Taeyong had been mean. Who likes the sun when they are hungover? But whatever the case, an apology was due on his part. He makes up his mind to drop by his neighbor’s place after work. Maybe with a pastry or something. 

The classes go smoothly surprisingly, the students being too distracted and excited about something. They talk in whispers among themselves, but apart from that cause no ruckus in class. Taeyong is a little curious but mostly grateful for whatever it was that was happening. After one of his classes, he hears the female students who have stayed behind for a bit chatting dreamily. 

“Did you see him? He is so handsome” one of the girls says, dragging out the last word and dramatically clenching her hands in front of her heart. 

“Yes. And he was so cute too while ordering his coffee” another one adds. 

“I knew I should have taken up dance” the first one says. Realization dawns upon Taeyong. They were gossiping about the new dance professor that was supposed to join today. It had slipped his mind over the weekend. New professor meant faculty dinner which meant drinking. Taeyong internally groans at the thought of alcohol. He has enough to last him a year on Saturday. 

“I might take it up next semester. Do you think he’ll teach introductory classes?” 

Taeyong snorts as he leaves the classroom. Young kids, he thinks to himself as he makes his way to his room, even though he was only a couple years older to them. He balances the scripts in one hand and struggles to find the keys with the other to open the lock to his room. He inserts the keys and is almost about to turn it when someone behind him says, “Need help?” 

Taeyong flinches so hard from the proximity of the voice that he drops his papers. He watches in disbelief as they scatter around his feet, burying his and the other person’s shoes. He scowls at the stranger’s feet and glares at him, but is taken aback by familiar smile that greets him. A smile so bright that he looks away immediately and bends down to pick up the scattered papers as fast as he can. 

“Here” 

Taeyong looks at Jungwoo who has his hand stretched, returning one of the stray papers that were at his feet. He grabs the paper hastily and puts it on top of his pile. Taeyong is ready to bolt into his room and lock himself. Something about Jungwoo made him nervous. He was attractive – Taeyong can't deny that. It set off alarms in his head. And though he knew was supposed to apologise, his heart wasn’t ready to talk to younger yet. 

“Thank you” Taeyong says, not meeting Jungwoo's eyes. “Now if you’ll excu-” Before he could complete his sentence, Jungwoo cuts him and says, “Are you done with the classes for today?” 

“Yes” Taeyong replies instantly. 

“Then can you show me around? I don’t know my way around yet and I was hoping you could” 

Taeyong contemplates for a minute. As much as he wanted to run away, he had already been rude to him before. He should help him out. Maybe he could even apologise about before. He slowly turns around and says, “Sure. Let me just put these papers away” 

The younger’s face instantly lights up and says, “Thank you.” The smile makes an appearance again and this time, when Taeyong watches him, something in his stomach flutters. He pushes the feeling away. “Lee Taeyong” He walks in and dumps the papers on his desk, mentally groaning when he realizes that he would have to sort through the script later since the mini accident from earlier messed up the order. 

When he turns around, Jungwoo is leaning against the door, watching him with a look he doesn’t understand. It is quickly replaced by a small smile. He holds him hand out and says, “I’m Kim Jungwoo by the way” 

Taeyong shakes his hand  and accidentally blurts out “I remember” 

Jungwoo just blinks and after a few seconds says, “Oh. I thought you wouldn’t. You looked kind of out of it when I came over. I wondered if I disturbed your sleep, and if I did, I’m sorry” Jungwoo scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. 

“No. It was just a bad time. I apologize for being rude” Taeyong says, finally getting it off his chest. 

“It’s ok, I understand. Sleep is important after all” Jungwoo chuckles and Taeyong just stares, a little dumbfounded. The younger continues, “You still haven’t told me your name” 

“Lee Taeyong” 

“Nice to meet you Taeyong” Jungwoo beams down at Taeyong, making him evert his eyes quickly. 

“So where do you want to go first?” Taeyong immediately asks to change the subject and wanting to get this over with quickly. 

“Dance studio?” 

“Alright” 

They start off with visiting the dance studio and go around the campus. Jungwoo’s eyes literally sparkle when he sees the dance studio and Taeyong swears he could see hearts shooting out of his eyes. They walk around leisurely beside each other, talking occasionally. Taeyong points out the places to get the best coffee and a few other things. He mostly keeps the talk professional though. 

Jungwoo, on the other hand does not. He smiles and laughs, occasionally nudging Taeyong. When he dislikes something, his nose would scrunch up and he would stand there awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck with a sheepish look on his face. It was so easy to read him. His emotions are clearly reflected on his face. And while Taeyong thinks it makes him vulnerable, he thinks it suits Jungwoo.  It makes him seem that much more precious. He gets why the girls would fawn over Jungwoo. 

When they are done, Taeyong excuses himself and quickly walks away. He found that the more time he spent with Jungwoo, the more he couldn’t help but think he is attractive. And that was dangerous. So he does what he does best – running away. He is determined to avoid the younger as much as he can. 

Taeyong leaves the college an hour before usual. He drives to the opposite direction from his house, to the center of the city. He parks in the parking lot in front of the building and checks the time, noting that he is 15 minutes early for his appointment with the psychologist, Dr Seo. He sits in the car for another 10 minutes before finally going inside the building. 

The receptionist greets him warmly and guides him to the room. He sits on one of the couches, waiting for doctor. He looks around the room and notices a few new additions to the succulents on the shelfs and tables. There is a new photo frame too, with a new picture. Taeyong stares curiously at it and moves closer to get a better view. He notes how his doctor, Johnny has his arm around another male’s waist who is shorter than him. He has his head on Johnny's shoulder and his eyes are closed. They both smile contentedly and peacefully and the whole picture radiates happiness. 

“Beautiful, isn’t he?”  a voice from behind him startles Taeyong. He jumps a bit and turns around to see his doctor smiling softly at the picture. 

“You scared me” Taeyong complains and sits back down on the couch. Johnny chuckles and follows him, sitting down on the opposite one. He grabs his notepad, pen and recorder and sets the recorder on the coffee table in between them after turning it on. 

“So Taeyong, how was your week?” Johnny starts off. He switches into his doctor mode instantly, keeping his notepad and pen ready to write down anything important. 

“Eventful” Taeyong says, frowning. He thinks back to the disaster weekend and it almost brings back his headache. Johnny however remains impassive. 

“What did you do?” 

Taeyong tells him about the college and the usual happenings during the week. He talks about his annoying new neighbor and how they are working at the same place. Also about how he was mean to him but apologized and is now avoiding him. 

“You need to let people in Taeyong. Why were you rude to him in the first place? That is very unlike you” Johnny tells him. 

Taeyong stops and takes a deep breath. “I visited Sicheng the previous evening. He was doing well. His doctor wanted to talk to me though” 

“I see. I am glad he’s doing well. What did the doctor say?” 

Taeyong sighs. Here it is, the time of truth. “He said that Sicheng was okay. But he also said that he wasn’t improving and since it would be five years, I should pull the plug” Taeyong says in a matter of fact way and avoids Johnny’s eyes, staring at this one spot on the floor that looks suspiciously similar to a coffee stain. He feels tears pricking his eyes and has no idea why feels the sudden urge to cry out. 

“So what are you going to do?” Johnny asks, scribbling on his pad simultaneously. 

“What can I do? I am lost. I don’t want to make the decision” Taeyong sighs and blinks back his tears rapidly. He still doesn’t look up but can feel Johnny's eyes watching him. 

“You should do what your heart tells you to” 

“My heart doesn’t want to make a choice. I shouldn’t have to make a choice, Johnny” Taeyong finally looks up, a hint of anger lacing his voice. “What right do I have anyway? My stupid brain has deleted his existence from my memories” 

“Ok so you were upset about the situation. But you shouldn’t take it out on your neighbor. Its misplaced anger” 

“I wasn’t upset at him because of that. I was upset because he disturbed my sleep. When I was hungover” 

“You went out drinking. How much did you drink?” Johnny asks, his eyebrows creasing ever so slightly in disapproval. 

“Enough to make me pass out” 

“Taeyong you shouldn’t confide in alcohol. It might become a habit” 

“It was a one time thing.” Taeyong rolls his eyes. I really needed something to numb out everything. I couldn’t decide for him, still can't. I have no rights” 

“He is your fiancé Taeyong” 

“He is a stranger Johnny” Taeyong retorts.  

“Just because you’ve lost your memories doesn’t make it less real. You’ll get them back eventually” 

Taeyong scoffs. He almost wants to laugh at Johnny's optimism. “Its been five years almost. If they haven’t returned yet, I doubt they ever would” 

Johnny just looks at him sympathetically. He says slowly “They always can. Patience is the key” 

Taeyong is angry now. “Patience? I think I have shown enough of that.” If 5 years wasn’t enough then how much more does he have to wait? Aren’t they as good as gone by now? What if they never return? What if Taeyong pulls the plug and his memories return then? What if they return a few month or years after that? Could Taeyong live with himself then? The more Taeyong thinks about it the worse he feels. He is so unsure of everything at his point, he doesn’t know what to do.   
“Besides, if they have to return, it better be now. At least I could make the decision” 

The rest of he session goes smoothly and he returns home after grabbing a take out on his away. He eats quietly at home and watches a bit of TV before retiring for bed. Sleep however doesn’t come to him for hours, his mind being a mess of thoughts from his therapy session with Johnny. And when he does sleep, he dreams about a certain brown haired chinese boy with a bright smile and soothing voice which is forgotten the next morning. 

~*~

The next few weeks pass by in a blur and Taeyong finds himself feeling sluggish and tired. Jungwoo drops by his office every now and then to visit him and no matter how curt the elder’s replies were it didn’t faze him. In fact, he wouldn’t leave Taeyong until he got a response from him. Taeyong was right, his neighbor was annoying. 

This afternoon was no exception either. Jungwoo joins him as he walks back towards his room, chatting about the kids in his class. But Taeyong was feeling especially under the weather and was in no mood to entertain him. His body burned and he knew he was coming down with a cold. Even though he had taken meds in the morning, they were beginning to wear off and the headache was beginning to settle in again. Every step he took only seemed to amplify it. 

Taeyong rubs his temples to soothe the pain a little. He couldn’t wait to go back and pop another pill. He He doesn’t realize that Jungwoo has stopped talking until he feels a cool hand on his forehead. He flinches because of the sudden contact and almost jumps out of his chair. 

Jungwoo’s eyes widen as he says, “You have a fever!” 

“I am fine” Taeyong sighs. 

“No, you’re not. No wonder you seemed so out of it today” Jungwoo says, more like thinks out loud. 

“I said I am ok” Taeyong insists. 

“I bet you couldn’t even get through the day” Jungwoo says, narrowing his eyes. Taeyong turns to roll his eyes at him, but the movement makes him dizzy and he staggers, almost falling to the floor if not for the strong arms grabbing him. “See I knew it. You're not ok” Jungwoo says, exasperatedly. 

“I was just a bit dizzy because I turned my head so fast” Taeyong reasons. He wiggles out of Jungwoo's hold, his heart speeding up which he guesses is because of the almost fall he had. 

“That’s it. I am taking you home” Jungwoo crosses his arms on his chest and glares – or at least tries to – at Taeyong. 

“I said I am alright” Taeyong insists but he can see that the younger is not going to relent. The final straw is when Jungwoo pouts and looks at him like a kicked puppy. 

“I am just worried for you” Jungwoo says so softly he might as well have whispered it. 

“Fine let me grab my coat” Taeyong sighs. He grabs his coat then locks the door, following Jungwoo to the parking lot. Taeyong learned something that day. 

Refusing Jungwoo was hard, especially when he pouts.


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tea and laughs

Sicheng sighs and plops down on the couch, deciding to take a nap. There wasn’t much to do at home anyway. He could go out, but with all the snowing and harsh winds, he decides against it. Sicheng has always disliked winter. The cold temperature was not something he was fond of. Also, something about the cold made him absolutely lazy and unproductive. He couldn’t wait for the seasons to change.

But new season also meant new year. It also meant his time drawing near. He doesn’t know how to describe it, but he could feel it. He could only prolong it for so much. He just wishes to see Taeyong get back his life together before that.

That is his only wish.

Sicheng had seen Taeyong die a little every day, ever since the accident. The hope in his eyes diminished as the days passed. He remembers hearing the younger break down every time he visited Sicheng. Taeyong would talk about what was happening around the hospital, since he was recovering in the hospital too. He would talk about his recovery progress, tell him how he would make mistakes, only to overcome them the next day.

It would then change to how the younger missed him, how he wishes Sicheng would wake up, how he wishes it was him instead of the older lying on the bed. He would cry, sometimes for minutes, sometimes for hours, but it would break Sicheng’s heart all the same. He wanted to tell Taeyong that it’s ok. It wasn’t his fault. He wanted to reach out and hold his hand, offer him reassurance.

But his body refused to cooperate. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t move, let alone be conscious for long. He would drift in and out of consciousness, sometimes not resurfacing for days. But whenever he did regain his mind, it was always around his fiancé. And it was a bit cruel, waking up only to watch his lover wilt away.

Until one day there was nothing.

**4 years back**

Taeyong sat beside Sicheng's bed with a blank expression, eyeing him. His expression soon changed into a curious one as he asked the doctor “Who is he?”. To say Sicheng was shocked was an understatement. But it was soon replaced by hurt. Taeyong only grew confused when the doctor explained to him that he was his fiancé. He leaves out the other details.

“But why can’t I remember him?” There is a tremble in his voice as he asks the doctor. He sounds shocked and shaken, feelings that Sicheng mirrored. He wants to scream, wants to cry but all that comes out is a soft grunt that startles his fiancé into pushing away from the bed in a haste, which results in the chair he was sitting on to fall backward with a loud noise.

“He is in a vegetative state, he will have normal movements but he is unaware of his surroundings” he hears the doctor explain. He wants to tell them that no, he us aware. That he can hear. But like always, his body does not cooperate and the more he tries to fight the more he feels like he is drowning.

“As for your memories, it is a form of PTSD. I believe your mind is trying to cope up with loss. Having your fiancé slip into a persistent vegetative state combined with your recent accident is a severe trauma.” The doctor explains. Taeyong stays silent and Sicheng can feel his consciousness ebbing away. The last thing he hears before falling into darkness is the doctor suggesting Taeyong therapy.

When he wakes up next, it is four years later, on his bed, next to the younger who is snoring softly. He extends his hand to him and is surprised to find his body cooperating. But as soon as he touches him, his fingers pass right through the other’s cheek.

Sicheng gasps and tries again. And again. Each time brings the same result. His hand shakes as he realizes what he has become. He screams and cries, in utter denial over his state, while his lover sleeps away peacefully.

It takes him two days to come to terms with his current state. And another three days of watching Taeyong to make up his mind. He knows it is his chance to say goodbye to his lover, to bid him farewell but he cannot bring himself to do so. He cannot leave, not when his lover looked so despondent. He could see he wasn’t sad or miserable, but his eyes had lost all light. He looked so bereft of hope, of happiness that it broke his heart.

And so, he makes a selfish wish. He would leave this world without a second thought when Taeyong found is happiness again. When he would finally come to terms with the grief and move on. Till then, he was determined to watch over the younger.

**Present Day**

Sicheng is lying on the couch when he hears the front door open. He checks the clock, noting it is only a little past one in the afternoon. He is surprised to see Taeyong returning earlier than usual today. He rushes to the front door as usual, but stops in his tracks when he hears an unfamiliar voice.

“But you cannot work if you have a fever. You should be resting” the stranger says sternly. “And you cannot expect me to let you drive back alone. We are neighbors so it’s not a big deal, anyway”

“I know myself and my body well enough, so your concern is unnecessary” Taeyong says stubbornly. The stranger frowns, his eyes showing he disagrees making Sicheng chuckle a little. He remembers how stubborn the younger could get and how he had to literally threaten him to rest whenever he was sick.  “Thank you for driving me back, though” Taeyong adds after a pause, with a kind of finality to his voice that indicates the stranger should leave.

“Its no problem really. Rest up well. I might drop by later to check up on you”

Before Taeyong could protest against it, Jungwoo walks away. Taeyong sighs, shaking his head. The younger really needs to learn to wait for a reply.

~*~

Taeyong is asleep peacefully when he is woken up – rudely – by knocks on the door. He ignores them but soon, Jungwoo starts shouting through the door.

“Taeyong? Are you ok? Why aren’t you opening the door? Taeyong I might have to break down this door. Taeyong, are you there?”

Taeyong groans as he tosses around his bed, trying to ignore the younger. In then end he gives up when the younger is persistent and reluctantly gets up to open the door. Jungwoo is still in the middle of his shouting, when he flings it open, missing the younger by mere inches. “Can you stop shouting? The neighbors might report you” Taeyong says, groggily.

“But you were not opening the door. What if you had fainted? Or if something had happened to you? I would never know” Jungwoo says animatedly.

“We saw each other a few hours back” Taeyong rolls his eyes

“You never know what might happen. Better safe than sorry.” Jungwoo shrugs his shoulders awkwardly

Taeyong sighs and rubs his temple. He can feel his headache coming back the more he stands at the door. The cold air drifting in through the door didn’t help either and he can't wait to back into his blanket “Why are you here Jungwoo? I am sure it isn’t for nagging me for not opening the door.”

“Umm no.” Jungwoo scratches his neck with his free hand awkwardly. “I made you some food you can eat later.” He holds out a small bag with containers in front of Taeyong “I just thought since you were sick and you need to be resting you wouldn’t be able to cook…” Jungwoo trails off. He eyes the older uncertainly, as if ready for rejection.

“That’s very…thoughtful of you. Thank you.”

“You can thank me by inviting me inside for tea” the stranger says shyly. He looks down at the floor and his ears turn pink, though Sicheng is not sure if it is from the cold or blushing.

“But shouldn’t I be resting since I am sick?” Taeyong asks, cocking up one eyebrow.

The stranger looks up so fast, Sicheng is amazed he didn’t break his neck. The stranger stutters “Y-Yeah…you should…you’re unwell…I-I could make the tea?” Sicheng feels a little annoyed at Jungwoo’s persistence. Jungwoo knew Taeyong had a fever. He could see how the latter was uncomfortable at having him over. Why was he being so pushy? He would only upset Taeyong which would further worsen his condition.

Sicheng is sure Taeyong is about to reject the offer and kick out Jungwoo, but is surprised when he just sighs and invites the other inside. There is a hint of a smile on his face as his lips curl upward just the slightest. It is gone as fast as it had appeared and had Sicheng not known Taeyong well, he would have definitely missed it.

But evidently, he did not know the younger well enough anymore.

~*~

Taeyong is forced into his bed and under his blankets – which he had fought against and lost – while Jungwoo busies himself in the kitchen making them both tea. He stares at the ceiling and notices the cracks in there which he is sure wasn’t there before. He traces them with his eyes, trying to connect them to form sensible patterns, waiting for Jungwoo. He gives up after a few minutes and decides to check up on him. He gets up and pulls the blanket around him as he makes his way to the kitchen.

Jungwoo is opening a few cabinets, clearly searching for something. He looks expectant every time he opens a container only to pout when it is the wrong one. It amuses Taeyong and he can't help but think he is cute. He decides to step in when he opens the fifth container and is disappointed yet again.

“Do you need help?”

Taeyong’s deep voice startles Jungwoo, who flinches and almost lets out a tiny shriek. He takes two deep breaths before facing the shorter and says, “I am almost done. I just can't find the tea leaves…” he trails off and looking away. He realizes how dumb it must sound – making tea without tea leaves – and mentally chastises himself. But in his defense, he had already boiled the water with ginger and had the honey out too. He just had to soak the tea leaves and he would be done.

Taeyong stares at Jungwoo for a second too long before letting out a laugh. Jungwoo is surprised and when he looks up, he is even more so. The older is hiding his smile behind the back of his hand, his shoulders shaking and eyes turning into half crescents making crinkles appear along the edge. His deep voice resonates through the blond’s very core and when he finally removes his hand, he is still smiling.

And Jungwoo finds it the most beautiful thing he has seen.

~*~

Taeyong and Jungwoo sit on the couch opposite to each other, quietly sipping their tea. Sicheng sits next to Taeyong, who is still recovering from the laughing at Jungwoo earlier. Though he has stopped now, he still keeps smiling every now and then, earning him a few glares from the blonde.

Sicheng was shocked at first to hear Taeyong laugh after so long. He had almost forgotten what it sounded like. He was delighted at first, happy even that the younger finally seemed to be genuinely happy but grew bitter as soon as he realized the reason for it. Or more specifically the person behind it. He wants the younger to be happy, no doubt about that, but when he realizes that he is finally moving on, he feels….lonely.

Jungwoo was mesmerized to watch Taeyong laugh. But after a few minutes, when the older still didn’t stop, it started to rub him off. He finally says, “Stop laughing” He glares at the older for the added effect, which doesn’t come off as intimidating as he wants it to be.

“I am not” states plainly. He sets his cup down on the coffee table.

Jungwoo narrows his eyes, setting his cup down too. He crosses his arms over his chest and says, “You’re still smiling”

“Am I?” Taeyong asks, cocking his head innocently to one side.

“Ugh! Stop. I know it was dumb ok?” Jungwoo whines.

“Dumb? You said you were done making tea without adding tea” Taeyong snickers, making Jungwoo groan.

“All I had to do was soak the tea leaves” Jungwoo defends himself.

“Jungwoo, that is how you make tea. You cannot make tea without tea leaves. And you surely cannot be almost done without it”

“But I only…you know what? Forget it” Jungwoo pouts and looks at the floor. Taeyong can't help but smile at the site. Jungwoo really was very adorable.

Sicheng watches the whole exchange bitterly. As much as he likes seeing a bit of Taeyong coming back, as much a he feels happy over it, he cannot stop the seeds of jealousy form planting themselves in his heart. He knows he shouldn’t feel that way, knows that Taeyong’s happiness comes first, knows Taeyong needs to move on. And he thought he had come to terms with that over the past 5 years. But oh, how he was so wrong.

Taeyong and Jungwoo spend the rest of the afternoon talking before Jungwoo forces Taeyong back to bed. Taeyong tries to resist again, and loses again. Sicheng finds it a little amusing to watch the shorter glare at the younger, only to make him out, which would melt Taeyong and relent. They both realize that Jungwoo’s pouts are indeed dangerous.

Once Taeyong is tucked in, Jungwoo washes the mugs and goes home. Sicheng hovers around him, and finally goes to lie down beside Taeyong. He cups his cheeks and leans his forehead against the younger’s wishing for his recovery. He recalls his laugh from earlier today and replays it over and over, smiling in a bittersweet way.

That night, a new set of thoughts plague Sicheng’s mind.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flustered heart and Meals

Taeyong wakes up next morning feeling completely refreshed. He hasn’t slept so well in a while, not since the talk with Dr Lee. He thinks back to the previous day’s events and smiles unconsciously. Jungwoo is starting to grow on him. He thinks back to Johnny's advice from his session and decides to not push Jungwoo away. Its been a while since he socialized and he could use a friend now.

He gets ready for work and is about to make breakfast when someone knocks on his door. He drags his feet to the door and is not surprised to find Jungwoo standing there. He smiles at Taeyong as soon as his eyes fall on the older, the tiny creases by his eyes becoming even more prominent. “Hi”, Jungwoo says and Taeyong peels his eyes away from them to look at him properly and greet him back. He moves to the side and Jungwoo walks in, so naturally as if this wasn’t only his second visit. Taeyong guides him to the kitchen and he sits at the table as Taeyong goes back to preparing breakfast.

“Do you want breakfast?” Taeyong asks. He sets the bread in the toaster and grabs a pan to fry eggs.

“No, coffee is fine” Jungwoo observes Taeyong as he goes about his kitchen with practiced ease. “How do you feel now?” Jungwoo asks as the older is frying an egg. Jungwoo notices that he looks much better than he did yesterday, but then again, he looked like he was on the verge of collapsing yesterday. He still looks tired, like he needs 2 days of sleep but at least he doesn’t look like death anymore.

“I feel much better” Taeyong looks over his shoulder and says, “Thank you for helping me yesterday” He turns off the heat and goes on to start the coffee machine.

“You don’t have to thank me. Anyone would be concerned if their friend looked like death on legs.” Jungwoo jokes. Taeyong cannot focus on what he says, his mind still stuck on friends. Is the what they were now? “We neighbors have to look out for each other after all” Jungwoo continues, and Taeyong turns around to look at him. Jungwoo is looking at him and smiling sweetly, his eyes twinkling and gazing at him with something Taeyong doesn’t understand. Taeyong turns around immediately, his heart fluttering and feels heat crawl up his cheeks.

This cannot be happening.

Taeyong takes a deep breath and wills his heart to calm down. Once the burning in his cheeks has subsided, he slowly turns around. Jungwoo is still staring at him and it makes his heart skip a beat. He forces himself to say something and ends up saying the first thing that comes to his mind, “Let me treat you to a meal as thanks”

Jungwoo’s smile gets even bigger and brighter as if it’s even possible. “Sure”, he immediately accepts the offer. “This weekend?”

“Sure, this weekend” Taeyong softly replies.

 

The weekend comes sooner than expected and Taeyong is a ball of nerves by the evening. They decided to let Taeyong cook and spend their time indoors comfortably rather than going out to some fancy place, both preferring to relax after a busy week.

Taeyong was an exceptional cook generally. He could whip a dish with any ingredient, almost a genius in that aspect. But today he could hardly concentrate. He almost burnt the food and almost dropped it several times, saving it last minute from being a disaster. His hands were not so fortunate though. A bandage now covered his finger, one which he had accidentally cut while being lost in thought.

The doorbell rings and Taeyong semi-runs towards the door, fixing his hair in the mirror beside the door before finally opening it. Jungwoo is standing there with his warm smile and bright eyes, dressed in a plain white shirt and blue jeans. His hair falls just above his eyes and Taeyong wonders if they feel as soft as they look. 

He shakes his head to clear his thoughts and motions for Jungwoo to come in who follows him into the kitchen. He sits at the table again while Taeyong finishes up like the previous time and Taeyong realizes how familiar this seems. They make small conversations, mostly about work and university, and Taeyong is surprised by how effortless all of this is.

Taeyong always had a hard time making friends. He had a fierce face which intimidated most of the people from approaching him. Being an introvert didn’t help either. Taeyong could easily count on one hand the number of people he called his friends.

So now, sitting here with Jungwoo, talking about insignificant things as they ate seemed bizarre to him. Its not everyday he makes new friends. Had it always been this easy? Maybe Johnny was right. Maybe he needs to start letting people in. 

Lost in his thoughts, he doesn’t realize he is staring at Jungwoo until a hand waves in front of his face. “Are you there?” Jungwoo asks him.

Taeyong blinks a couple of times, trying to dispel his train of thoughts “Yes, sorry”

“Are my stories that boring?” Jungwoo chuckles but the laugh doesn’t quite reach his eyes. 

Taeyong immediately feels bad for making Jungwoo feel awkward. He invited Jungwoo over to thank him but here he was, lost in his thoughts, being a bad host. “No, they are quite interesting honestly.” He tells him honestly. When Jungwoo narrows his eyes, he adds, “Really. Its just…I have a lot on my mind lately. I am sorry for being such a bad host” Taeyong bites his lips and looks down.

“You can talk to me, you know. I don’t know if I’d be able to give you any advice, but I can always lend you an ear.” 

Taeyong looks up to find Jungwoo staring at him with that look again, only this time more intense and he has to look away. He stares at the table instead and mumbles a soft “Thanks”

They spend the rest of the evening on the couch, talking about any and everything before it starts getting late. Taeyong walks Jungwoo to the door as stands there as he wears his shoes. He hadn’t bothered wearing a scarf or a coat, even though the temperatures were low, saying he only needed to run next door fast enough. 

“Thank you for having me over. Your cooking is amazing! Its been such a long time since I had a proper home cooked meal” Jungwoo says just as he finishes tying his shoe laces and grabs the door handle.

Taeyong raises his eyebrow at that. “Do you not cook?” he asks. He remembers the chicken soup Jungwoo had made for him while he was sick and it wasn’t bad at all. “Your chicken soup was really good”

“Trust me, that’s the only thing I can make. My mother forced me to learn it so I wouldn’t starve to death” Jungwoo laughs. “And its not fun to cook for one person” She shrugs his shoulders and scratches the back of his neck awkwardly and Taeyong’s heart bursts from how adorable he looks.

“I know what you mean.” Taeyong knows how lonely it is to eat by yourself. Eating seems more like a task then and sometimes he would even skip his meals. It was nice to have someone accompany him today, and he actually ate a proper portion instead of bits and trashing the rest. Yet again, Johnny was right. Maybe it was time he made new friends. It would be nice to go out more often and share meals “Maybe we should have our meals together?” Taeyong wonders, realizing it a second too late that he said it out loud. His eyes widen the tiniest bit and his composure flies out the window as he says, “I didn’t…I mean…only if you want. Not that you have to”. He doesn’t look up, scared to see Jungwoo’s reaction.

When he does, it is to Jungwoo’s soft eyes with a matching smile following “I’d love that”


	6. 6

Taeyong hums as he cracks an egg on the pan, discarding the shells in the dustbin. He grabs a spatula immediately to sramble the eggs, paying attention to not overcook them. He turns off the heat when it's done, carefully putting the eggs beside the toast and sausages on the plates, setting them on the dining table along with two bowls of fruits.

He checks the time and sees that it's 7:25 am, five minutes before Jungwoo was supposed to arrive for their scheduled breakfast. They have been having their meals together for the past one week and it has been, well quite frankly, wonderful. Jungwoo was a delight to have around, filling his quiet mornings with light hearted chatter. He no longer ate only to sustain himself. In fact, he had started to look forward to their meals. Taeyong only now realised how he had missed being in the company of another human. Or maybe it was just Jungwoo he needed. He quickly puts that thought away.

Taeyong takes off his apron and is puting it away when the doorbell rings. "It's open" he yells from the kitchen. He grabs two mugs and pours out coffee into them from the coffee maker. Just as he is setting down the mugs on the table, Jungwoo walks in, greeting him with a smile, as always. Taeyong finds himself mirroring the smile, as always.

"Mmh smells nice. I'm guessing bacon and eggs?" Jungwoo asks, making a small 'aha!' sound as he sees the plates set on the table. It was something he always did, trying to guess the food by the smell and he hasn't gotten it wrong even one. Taeyong finds it amusing, a little - a lot - adorable even, seeing Jungwoo grin everytime he gets it right. It adds to Jungwoo's charm.

"Yes, with toast and fruits" Taeyong replies, as they take a seat. Taeyong checks his phone for any emails and puts it away before digging into his food.

The first time they ate together, Jungwoo had insisted that they don't use phones at the table. Taeyong didn't agree at first, but one pout from Jungwoo had him agreeing. Taeyong thinks they should have a no pout rule too, but Jungwoo would probably pout his way out of that one too. The silly thought makes him smile to himself, not realising that Jungwoo had been watching him.

Jungwoo tilts his head questioningly, snapping him out of his thoughts. He feels his face heat up and he's pretty sure he's pink from his cheeks to his ears, if not red. Jungwoo watches amused, a smirk playing on his face as he takes a bite out of the scrambled eggs, eyes widening immediately as he slowly chews.

"These are really good, exactly how I like them" he speaks once he swallows. It has really been a while since he had eaten eggs this well done. He scarfs down the rest of it, feeling happier with every bite.

"You did mention that you liked them fluffy and not overcooked" Taeyong mumbles, taking a sip of his coffee, feeling happy and accomplished.

"You remembered?" Jungwoo asks excitedly, looking touched. He did mention it a while back, but he wasn't aware Taeyong was actually paying attention to what he said. "And all this while I thought you weren't listening. You're actually nicer than you look" Jungwoo teases with a playful smile, softly kicking Taeyong under the table.

"Sh-shut up" Taeyong says, taking another sip of his coffee and hiding his reddening cheeks behind the mug. He peeks at Jungwoo from above the mug, and finds Jungwoo looking at him with a pleased smile. He gasps and chokes on his coffee, putting the mug down and coughing violently. Jungwoo rushes to him from around the table and pats his back.

When Taeyong stops coughing, Jungwoo grabs the glass of water and hands it to him. He leans beside him and watches with a concerned frown as Taeyong gulps down half of it.

"Are you okay?" Jungwoo asks rubbing Taeyong's back soothingly as Taeyong puts the glass back on the table

"I think so" Taeyong turns to the side to reassure him, but he didn't realise Jungwoo was so close. He can feel Jungwoo's breath on him and his heart speeds up at the proximity. He gasps inaudibly, looking down immediately. He peeks at Jungwoo from beneath his eyelashes and finds him looking at him. Junwoo's eyes darken; his gaze intense and smoldering.

Taeyong finds himself breathless and looks down again, fidgeting with his fingers. Neither of them, however move away. Instead Jungwoo leans in slowly, unsure if what he's doing was ok.

Taeyong's heart is pumping at a speed so fast that he knows is unhealthy. He closes his eyes and waits while his mind races, trying to grasp what's happening. Is Jungwoo going to kiss him? Is this real? Is he ready? Is this ok? What about Sicheng?

The last thought pulls him out of it. Guilt floods through him and he leans away, holding Jungwoo back by this shoulder. Jungwoo opens his eyes, puzzled. Taeyong only looks away, clearing his throat and saying "We should finish our breakfast or we'll be late."

Jungwoo studies his face for a few seconds, sighing and going back to his seat to continue eating. The rest of the breakfast is spent in silence.

*~*

 

Taeyong sighs as he walks the hospital hallway, feeling worser the closer he gets to Sicheng's room. It has been a day since that incident with Jungwoo and things have been a little awakrd since then, mostly on his part.

 

Jungwoo went back to normal immediately, as if their almost kiss never happened. He wonders how Jungwood did it, while he can't even look at Jungwoo in the eye ever since then. Thankfully, the two of them had been busy enough for the rest of the day that they didn't have a lot of time to spare for meals and idle conversations, though he often caught Jungwoo looking disappointed when the younger thought he wasn't looking.

 

Before he realises it, Taeyong is already beside Sicheng's bed, sitting on the stool by his side. He stares at him long and hard, wishing to remember Sicheng even the slightest bit. But his memory betrays him. 

 

All he feels is sadness and misery, guilt becoming a new addition. He is terribly confused by his feelings, not being able to associate them to reason. Yet, he knows why it is so. He feels like he's going crazy, not understanding himself. It's like he's lost a part of himself, an important part that has now left a gaping hole, making him feel empty. And he has no idea how to fill it.

 

Jungwoo had started to make him feel better, filling that void if only a bit, but it only confused his feelings even more. The more he thinks of Jungwoo and what had conspired between them, the guiltier he feels. How was he supposed to go bak to being normal when he cannot even figure out his feelings? How was he supposed to make decisions when he doesn't remember an important part of his life? How was he supposed to make the decision for Sicheng when he doesn't even know him?

 

Taeyong holds Sicheng's hand, interlocking their fingers and stares at it. It feels weird but surprisingly familiar. He looks at the ring on his finger matching with the one on Sicheng's, though his seem to be slightly looser. He had become thinner over the years, almost as if he was wasting away.

 

The thought sends a new pang of hurt down his chest. His vision blurs and a single tear makes it's way down his cheek, followed by many others as he starts sobbing. His heart breaks to watch Sicheng in such a state. He can't take it, can't handle his overwhelming emotions attacking him all at once. He wants to get away, to become numb and not feel anymore.

 

And that is what he does.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Jungwoo sighs as he gets up from his bed and goes to the kitchen to make some chamomile tea. He has been having trouble falling asleep, tossing and turning in his bed while his mind was filled with yesterday's events. He thought he had something with Taeyong, that maybe they were on the same page with their feelings in that instance, but he had been wrong. Taeyong had clearly rejected him, pushed him away even. It left him disappointed and hurt, but more scared.

Jungwoo wondered if he crossed a line that morning. He couldn't say anything, not even apologise to the elder. It had taken a long time for Taeyong to warm up to him and he didn't want to ruin that. But Taeyong didn't say anything since then. It had been awkward, yes, but at least Taeyong doesn't seem to be shutting him out yet.

However, Taeyong did seem to look guilty. That morning while they ccontinued their quiet breakfast, Jungwoo couldn't help but keep peeking to check on Taeyong. He never looked up, playing with the fruits in his bowl and occasionally looking at his finger which had a simple silver band around it.

Jungwoo has always wondered about it. He has been in Taeyong's house long enough to know he lived alone. There were no traces or photos in there either to indicate that he had a partner. Their colleagues also said that he's not married, though Taeyong has only been working there for the past 2 years. And its not like Taeyong always wore the ring.

The doorbell rings and it snaps Jungwoo out of his thoughts, realising that he had been boiling the water for way longer than necessary. He turns off the heat and goes to the front door, a little wary when he checks the clock and sees how late it is. The doorbell rings incessantly followed by poundings on the door.

Jungwoo, however is surprised to see Taeyong when he opens the door, his tie loosened and the top two buttons of his shirt undone. His coat hangs off from one side and his hair is disheveled, as if he had been running his fingers through them all night.

"Hi. Can I come in?" Taeyong asks, his words slurring, and Jungwoo moves aside to let him in.

Taeyong stumbles trying to get into the house and Jungwoo moves forward to catch him, the smell of alcohol instantly hitting him. He looks at Taeyong who has a stupid grin on his face and any other day, Jungwoo would have loved to see that carefree smile on Taeyong's face but right now it only makes him frown.

Jungwoo drags the elder to the couch, pushing him down and making him sit. He goes to the kitchen and gets a glass of water, sighing and setting it down on the coffee table when Taeyong refuses to drink it. Instead, Taeyong lies curled up on the sofa facing the inside, reluctant to move because "the room is spinning".

"Just how much did you drink?" Jungwoo questions, sitting beside Taeyong and brushing his fringe away from his forehead. He seems cold and Jungwoo wonders just how long he was out there, wandering in the snow.

"A lot. Don't know." Taeyong replies, turning so that he faces Jungwoo, staring at him with an emotion Jungwoo cannot decipher.

"Why?" Jungwoo asks softly, running his fingers through Taeyong's hair, trying to tame it. It hurt Jungwoo to see the person he likes in such a state - broken and a mess.

"Want to be numb" Taeyong whispers, his eyes fluttering as he tries to keep them open. "Want to stop feeling" he mumbles as he's almost falling asleep to Jungwoo's soothing touch.

"Why?" Jungwoo asks. "Is it because of me?", he continues when Taeyong doesn't say anything.

It seems to wake Taeyong up, as he instantly gets up to tell Jungwoo no but the sudden movement makes his head spin and he falls forward against Jungwoo who catches him instinctively. Even when Taeyong pulls back, he keeps his arms around him as a support, just in case.

"No" Taeyong says sharply, his eyebrows furrowing. He places his hand on the younger's cheeks and whispers another "No" softly, gazing into Jungwoo's eyes. Something in his eyes shifts, and Jungwoo's heart flutters. For the first time, he's the one who looks away.

Taeyong turns Jungwoo's fae so that he's facing Taeyong again. "Don't look away", he says, making Jungwoo blush when he looks at Taeyong, looking at him so intensely that his heart starts racing.

Taeyong slides his hand down from the younger's cheek to his neck and its the only warning he gets before the elder presses his lips against Jungwoo's.

Jungwoo is stunned for a minute, not comprehending what was happening. When his mind does catch up, he kisses Taeyong back. Taeyong's lips are soft and a little chapped from the cold, but Jungwoo loves kissing them anyway. Their lips slot together perfectly, as they move against each other.

Eventually, Taeyong pulls back for air, which has Jungwoo chasing after him, making Taeyong giggle. Taeyong has that carefree grin again, and this time, Jungwoo mirrors it. His grin softens into a smile so sincere and beautiful, it has Jungwoo falling for the elder even more.

"Like you" Taeyong mumbles, before he collapses onto the sofa, falling asleep immediately.

Jungwoo is left stunned. Did he hear that correctly? He wonders if Taeyong actually meant it and it wasn't the alcohol talking. He suddenly feels guitly that he might have taken advantage of a drunk Taeyong. He would have to talk to the elder tomorrow morning. Thankfully, it was the weekend and they would have all the time they'd need.

For now, he goes to his room, grabs two ibuprofen tablets and places them next to his glass of water, which he covers with a coaster. He covers Taeyong with a blanket, switches off the lights, and heads to his room, hoping to get some sleep.

His cup of chamomile tea forgotten on the kitchen counter.

*~*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this happened because I really wanted them to kiss. They're so soft, my heart fluttered while writing this.


End file.
